Love
by fanta-faerie
Summary: But I still believe in destiny. That you and I were meant to be." His gray eyes looked into her emerald ones. "But fate trumped destiny once again. Love him, won't you? For me?" She looked at him, a single tear rolling down her cheeks. And she nodded.


"You're such an _idiot!_" Lily Evans yelled. "You're just like your arrogant best friend, stupid and so _irritating_!"

"Why thank you, love." Sirius Black replied cheekily. "But there's no need to flatter me."

"D...don't call me love!" She sputtered. "I'm not your love or anyone else's!"

An inky black eyebrow raised. "Are you sure about that, _love_? Because I can think of at least one man madly in love with you."

She snorted, not rising to the bait. "Puppy love. He barely even knows me."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "If you say so."

"What are you doing in here, anyway?" She asked him, her nose wrinkled. "The library is hardly the place I'd expect the infamous Sirius Black to be in."

"Maybe I want to study with some peace and quiet."

They were silent for a moment before he started chuckling, and she let an unwilling smile escape her.

"Like that's possible." Lily folded her arms and looked away from him, doing her best to not start laughing.

"Well," He sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I actually came here to meet someone."

"Is that what you call it now?" She asked him, her tone implying her disgust. "Meeting someone? Snogging session, more likely."

"For once, I really did come here to meet someone." He threw back.

Startled, Lily's voice was softer than before. "Sorry. My mistake." She said, abashed.

"Whatever." He snorted.

They were silent.

"Well, I'd better go." Sirius said, getting up and pushing his chair in.

"Did you meet the person you came to meet?" Lily asked him, confused. "Because you walked over to me the moment you came in."

He scrutinized her for a moment, and then deigned to reply. "Well, you'll do anyway." He said, walking away backwards. "You might not be quite as pretty, but, well, what can one do?" He shrugged ruefully. "It's so hard to find decent looking girls these days."

Laughing, he dodged the book aimed at his head, and bent down to grab it before another projectile left the irritated hands of Lily Evans.

--

He bit his lip in anticipation. This was just too good.

She was just sitting there, poring over books, a quill in hand, thoroughly engrossed in reading. He snickered to himself. This was so perfect!

Softly, softly, he crept up behind her, and posed himself just so, sucking in a great breath of air.

"B--!"

"Shut it, Black." Lily said tiredly.

His breath whooshed out of him. "How did you know it was me?" He asked her, annoyed at himself.

"I'd know you anywhere." She replied, scratching a few more words onto the parchment.

His breath caught in his throat. Did she realize what connotations her words could be seen as? Obviously not, Sirius sighed, seeing her flip a page unconcernedly.

"So what are you doing?" He asked, turning a chair around to sit in it backwards. With a flick of his hands, he had grabbed her essay, holding it too high for her to reach.

"Give-it-back!" Lily snarled, reaching upwards, doing her best to take back the paper.

"What _is _this?" Sirius asked, disgusted. "The Twelve Uses of Chickens Teeth? How boring."

"Sirius!" Lily pleaded. "Please give it back!"

"Well, since you said please...Nope!" He chuckled, lifting it higher.

However, he hadn't counted on Lily being quite so intent on retrieving her stolen essay. She tackled him, throwing herself across his chest to grab it. With a wobble, the chair Sirius had been sitting on tumbled backwards, throwing both Sirius and Lily to the ground.

She landed on top of him, driving all the breath from his body."Ow." Sirius groaned, trying to sit up, to no avail. Lily clambered off his chest, into straddling his waist, her essay clutched in her small fist triumphantly.

"Hah!" She grinned. "Got it!" Her red hair was a crazy mess, tangled and mussed, her clothes rumpled, but her emerald eyes were bright, looking down at the groggy Sirius with laughter.

"Okay, okay, you proved me wrong." He grumbled. "Now could you please get off of me?"

"Well, since you said please..." She pretended to think. "Nope!"

"Well, then, I'll just have to...do this!" He grabbed her waist, and tumbled them both over, pinning her to the ground under his body.

Her eyes were still laughing, but her mouth was pursed in mock annoyance. "You proved your point, Sirius. Now get off, would you?"

"Why?" He countered, bringing his face closer to hers. "Give me one good reason." His gray eyes pierced her green ones, leaving her oddly breathless.

"Um..." She trailed off, her eyes caught in his.

His head moved closer, their lips barely a centimeter apart.

"No reason, right?" He breathed, his breath blowing across her face.

Her eyes closed.

His own eyes half lidded, he moved even closer, but just before their lips brushed, the crash of a book falling was heard, breaking the spell.

They jerked apart, Lily flushing a bright red, Sirius's eyes widening.

"Sorry." He muttered, climbing hastily to his feet.

"Um, it's okay." She mumbled back. Sirius couldn't help but grin a little as he realized that this had been the only time he had ever seen Lily Evans flustered.

"Hmmm, I think it's time I left, don't you? Prongs will be waiting." He said, doing his best to change the awkward subject.

"Are you going to be playing pranks?" She asked him severely, relieved that he seemed to be ignoring the oddness that had happened.

"What a silly question." He laughed. "Of course!"

--

They quickly settled into a scheduled routine. Lily would spend about an hour in the library by herself, in the very back corner, and right on time, Sirius would arrive at six. They would spend hours talking and laughing, until one of them would realize how late the time had become and they would walk back to the common room together.

Without knowing it, the two had become friends.

It had become so routine, that one Friday night, Lily was very confused when, by six fifteen, Sirius hadn't shown up. Fifteen changed to thirty, thirty to forty-five, and finally, she conceded that something must have happened.

He had never skipped on her before.

So she gathered up her books, packed them into her bag, and on further thought, left them there. She wandered the halls for a bit, before she decided he might be in the common room. She climbed in, and saw a familiar head of messy black hair.

"Lilykins!" Potter cried, waving a hand for her to come closer. "How is my favorite flower today?"

"Not now, Potter." She said impatiently. "I'm looking for Sirius. Have you seen him?"

"Sirius?" An odd look crossed James's face, before it smoothed out again. "He's in the Room of Requirement. Why?"

"Oh, nothing." She said vaguely, already heading for the portrait hole.

She was suddenly caught from behind by an arm, thrown around her waist. Startled and annoyed, she looked up into James's hazel eyes.

"You know I love you, right?" He asked her, his voice low and, for once, deadly serious. "I love you more than anyone else."

Something moved in her heart right then, as for the first time, she saw the sincerity in his eyes. But she waved it aside. "Whatever." Lily said impatiently. "Just let go of me."

And for once, he did as she asked. She ran out of the room, leaving him behind her, an oddly somber look on his handsome face.

She puffed into view outside the Room, and quickly got in after three rounds. The room was lit in a dimming glow, embers of a dying fire in the hearth. A single armchair sat, facing the flames, and she could see a limp arm dangling from it, the remains of a bottle of Firewhisky clutched in its hand.

"Sirius?" She asked softly, padding up to the chair. "Sirius?"

His hair was completely mussed, obviously from his hand running through it repeatedly, and his eyes had a glassy look to them as they stared, unseeing, into the fire.

"Idiot." She sighed. "Give me that." She grabbed the bottle and threw it to the side, where it clattered against the paneling.

That roused him. His eyes slid in and out of focus, and finally landed on Lily, kneeling in front of him, her eyes tender. "What're you doing here?" He asked groggily.

"I was looking for you." She replied. "Now, what's wrong?"

"Nuthin'." He muttered, looking away.

She rolled her eyes. "Sirius, you know you can tell me."

He laughed, a mocking laugh that echoed in the empty room. "You're the last person I can tell." He said to her.

Her eyes looked up at him, so innocent and bewildered, that the thin, frail string holding him together snapped.

"It's _you!_" He yelled. "It's you, it's you!"

"What?" She asked, confused. "What did I do?"

"You're just so..so...argh!" He looked quite demented by then, gripping his head with his hands. "Damn it all!"

"Sirius, you can tell me." She repeated, her voice soft.

He slowly stopped, looking into her green eyes. She looked back, her gaze strong.

"I LOVE YOU!" He suddenly bellowed. "I LOVE YOU!"

She reeled back as if she had been slapped.

"I've loved you since...since, I don't bloody know!" He shouted, storming up from his chair. "You've been tormenting me wherever I go; every bloody place I go, your face is there! Even when I sleep, I only dream about you! And I can't, oh god, I can't..."

"Why?" She suddenly asked, her eyes oddly tinted. "Why?"

"Because of James." He was suddenly calm, the drunken rage gone. "Because of James."

"He doesn't love me." Lily said softly, her eyes fixed on his. "It's not real love, Sirius."

"Heh." Sirius swaggered, pointing at her with a finger. "That's what you think, love. I've never...I've never seen a man love someone so much as James loves you."

For some reason, her eyes were beginning to fill up. Something was breaking here. Something that could never be mended.

"Not even you?" She asked him, her voice weak. "Not even you?"

He held her gaze for one long moment, and then broke away, looking back at the flickering flames. "I'm his best friend. And I won't betray him. Not for anything. Or anyone."

She was silent, looking up at him, tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

"I won't interfere." He said, half to himself.

"Why?" She asked him suddenly. "Why not?"

"Because it's fate." He told her, looking back at her. "That's why." And then, he got up from where he had been leaning, and made his way to the door, leaving her crumpled on the ground, staring up at him.

He looked out, one hand still on the doorknob, and spoke, so quietly Lily could barely hear him. "But I still believe in destiny. That you and I were meant to be. But fate has trumped destiny once again." He chuckled a bitter laugh. "Love him. Lily. Do it, won't you?"

"I...I can't." She whispered to him.

"For me?" He asked her, his eyes soft, all traces of drunkenness gone. "Won't you, for me?"

A long, long moment passed, and then, her head gave a tiny jerk, a consent. He opened the door, looking away, and had a foot out the door.

And then he was kissing her, so hard, so passionately, that he felt it would be impossible to stop. Her hands were tangled in his coal black hair, and his in her flaming red.

Time passed, continuing, and then, finally, finally, they stopped, their eyes looking only into each others.

"I...I've got to go." Lily said brokenly.

His hands tightened around her waist for a fraction of a second, and then let go, let go of her forever.

She ran, tears tumbling down her face, ran for the door, knowing that it ended here.

They were broken.

--

Years and years later, Lily married James. They were due to have a baby boy in the coming months, the baby Harry.

"'Let's go to a graveyard.'" Lily mocked sarcastically. "'It'll be fun!'"

"Oh, get over it." Sirius rolled his eyes. "It'll be fun when you stop grouching."

"So _you _say."

"Love, have I ever been wrong?"

James heard and saw all of this with mixed feelings. Love, he had called her. Love he had always called her. Sirius had never felt odd about, had never held back on his nickname for Lily.

"Could you two stop fighting for a moment?" James asked, an eyebrow raised.

"For you, mate, anything." Sirius clapped him on the back.

Gray met Emerald, and a broken connection started to glow, as they both remembered. She looked at him, pain suddenly evident in her eyes, as he looked away.

"Well, I had better leave." Sirius muttered. "See you later, Prongs." His hand was on the rusty gate when he heard Lily's voice suddenly call out behind him.

"Won't you say goodbye to me?" Her voice was thin, as if it were breaking.

Without turning, he answered her silent question. "Goodbye...Love."

**--**

**Oh, I don't know where this came from. I am a true Lily/James lover, and I never like Sirius/Lily fics. But I was listening to a song, and suddenly, I couldn't help but wonder...Lily and James are traditional, they were fate. But why did Sirius never fall for her? Or maybe he did. But James was his brother, right? So Sirius would give her up for him. And the beginnings of a fanfiction started in my head...this is rather sad, I agree, but I just NEEDED to write it. **

**While you read this, please listen to "I Still Believe" By Hayden Panettiere, because it throws everything into perspective, really.**

**I would love it if you guys would review!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


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